I need to stop coming to work sober
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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