maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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