i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
