How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
