Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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