Umm I'm too high to move.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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