Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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