I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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