Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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