i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Is Oprah even human
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
