I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
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