god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
