Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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