Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
