Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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