I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
