he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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