First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
