She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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