hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
