Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
