I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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