i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
