Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
