I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
