i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
