he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
