you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
