She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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