he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
