love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
