you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
