Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
