he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
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Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
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He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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