I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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