Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
