Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
