12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
