Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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