thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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