LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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