That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
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