his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
