my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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