I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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