It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You dont lie about slip and slides
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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