If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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