Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
