She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
