your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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