At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
