i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
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A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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