mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
