So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
