I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
