Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
