well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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