i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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