insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
