oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
