i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
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We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
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I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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