The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
