fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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