I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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