Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
