google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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