One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
