I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
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Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
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Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
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