did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
